Note to Republican Presidential primary voters: please nominate Newt Gingrich

This post is addressed to Republicans who are voting for their party's Presidential candidate:  please nominate Newt Gingrich.

This is NOT an endorsement of any Republican candidate--not that such an occurrence would matter to anybody--instead, this is an appeal in my own self-interest.

Mr. Gingrich will be more fun to write about than any of the other Republican candidates.

If Mr. G. is the GOP's nominee, I can say things like "the pen is mightier than Newt's tongue!"  Or maybe "Barack's flack refutes Newt's flukes!"

Fun stuff.

Mr. G. is a man of many defining characteristics.  As mentioned in a prior post, his writing career has shown him to be an advocate of history and of fiction; sometimes he mixes them up.  In campaign appearances he exhibits so many expressions that one might think he is channeling Dr. Lao.   If he ever comes out to the Left Coast and manages to cross the deserts of the Southwest he would be like a dust devil -- a chaotic little whirlwind that flits from here to there and stirs things up.



It just wouldn't be the same with Mitt Romney as the GOP nominee.  By comparison, Mr. Romney is too bland, too calm, too buttoned-down.  Am I the only one to have noticed that even when he's outside in the wind, and his hair gets messed up, that once he is away from the wind his hair falls back into place?  It's almost like his haircut is on a performance plan.  He's really corporate, which means there's potential material in him. But in contrast to the potential presented by Mr. G. it's pretty much second-fiddle material.

Rick Santorum is a big beige area; there's no fun in going there.  His policy positions would be great fodder for debate, but it's a debate that would end up being as dry as the Mojave in August.  Mr. Santorum seems sincerely earnest; the man wears sweater vests, for goodness sake!  That's a fashion quirk that seems to be his most defining visible characteristic.  Some of my best friends wear sweater vests, too, and I have been known to do the same thing when the weather is cold.  Sweater vests are comfy, but they are mundane.  And everything else about him is very white bread.  Nope, just can't see getting any traction with Mr. S.

Ron Paul is different from the others.  He has some potential.  Oh, what's the use in trying to ignore it?  There's lots of potential with Mr. Paul!  The problem with Mr. P. is that he wants to blow up so much of the government that most of the opportunities in writing about him would eventually devolve into cheap shots about blowing things up.  I don't want to do that -- it's no fun, and it's too easy to slip into something that's in poor taste.  Better to find something in the fertile landscape created by Mr. Gingrich.

Finally, there's Buddy Roemer, the former governor of Louisiana.  Did you know he was running?  I didn't  know he was a declared candidate for the Republican nomination for President until just now.  The New York Times web site says that he is, at least as I'm writing this.  According to the Times profile, he is not accepting campaign contributions in excess of $100.  Good for him; I like that.  Unfortunately for Mr. Roemer, it seems that he hasn't had enough $100 contributions to allow him to spend the millions of dollars that are necessary to advertise in today's presidential campaigns.  Let's do the math here:  it would take 10,000 contributions of $100 each to provide even a  lousy one million dollars which would buy--well what do you think?--maybe a few minutes of television advertising throughout Florida in advance of its January 31 primary.  Are there even 10,000 people who know that Mr. R. is running for President?  Nothing more to say. . .that's all for this guy.

It's up to you now, Mr. and Ms. Republican Primary Voter.  Nominate Newt Gingrich as the GOP candidate for President of the United States in 2012 and in doing so you will help to secure the blessings of puniness, satire, humor and alliterative analysis for all during the upcoming silly season of political pugilism.

You have my thanks!